Why Is It Hard To Forgive?
When someone wrongs you, forgiving them can feel like an impossible task. Maybe you’ve been told it’s the right thing to do. Perhaps it’s a family member and the rest of the family expect you to, but why does it feel so hard? Well, forgiveness is challenging and here’s why.
You Lose Trust
When someone hurts you, your trust often shatters. Trust is fragile, and once broken, it’s tough to rebuild. Imagine a beautiful ornament that gets knocked over and breaks. You can certainly glue it back together, but it will never look the same as before.
This is similar to how trust works. You might feel like you can never glue it back to its original state. This makes forgiving hard because you deeply valued that trust, and now you have lost it, it is profoundly painful.
Rebuilding trust again takes time and effort from both parties. It requires consistent actions that demonstrate reliability and honesty. Sometimes, the fear that trust may never be restored to its original state makes it even more challenging to forgive. You might wonder if it’s worth the risk to open yourself up to potential hurt again.
You Fear Being Hurt Again
Emotional wounds can leave deep scars. When someone betrays you, it’s natural to fear it may happen to you again. This fear acts as a defense mechanism, keeping you from getting hurt again. You build up a wall so that you can keep a protective distance, hoping to avoid future pain.
For example, think about a time you touched something hot. What did you do? Did you pull your hand away and stop yourself from touching it again? Of course you did! Emotional pain works similarly.
If someone has hurt you deeply, you instinctively want to protect yourself from experiencing that pain again. Therefore, forgiveness feels risky because it involves your vulnerability, which can be too hard to handle.
You Feel It’s Unfair That You Should Forgive
Forgiveness can sometimes feel unfair. Why should you forgive when they are in the wrong? You might think that by forgiving them you are condoning their actions, and that feels way too wrong. By holding onto your resentment, you believe you’re showing them that their behavior is totally unacceptable and that they should face the consequences of their actions.
It’s like when you see someone break the rules and get away with it. It feels so unfair, doesn’t it? The same principle applies here. If you forgive, it might feel like you’re letting them off the hook.
This sense of injustice can make it hard to let go of your resentment. You want them to understand and feel the pain they have caused, and maybe deep down you want them to suffer a bit too.
You Don’t Want To Lose Control
Your anger and resentment can give you a sense of control and power over the situation and the person who hurt you. Letting go of that anger might feel like you are relinquishing control, and that can be hard. Forgiveness requires you to let go of your control, which feels like you are letting go of your power over the situation, which isn’t easy.
When you hold on you feel like you still have the upper hand. It’s like holding onto the reins of a horse! You are the one in control. Forgiving means releasing those reins, which can feel like you could fall. It’s a tough decision because it involves trusting that you won’t lose control and things will be okay.
In Summary
Forgiving can be difficult, I’m not saying it isn’t. You don’t have to pressure yourself to forgive overnight. Allow yourself the time to forgive. This is what helps you heal, so take the time you need.
Forgiveness is more about freeing yourself from your own negative emotions and finding your own peace and not letting hurt control your life anymore. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you either. It means letting go of the hold that the pain has over your life.
It’s about choosing to move forward and not allowing past hurts to dictate your present and future. So, be patient with yourself. Every step you make towards forgiveness is a step towards your own freedom and happiness. So when you’re ready, it will feel so good to put the hurt behind you and reclaim that happiness!