Overcome shyness & nerves: 8 Steps to greater self-confidence in social situations Part 2
Steps to self-confidence
Remember the past is over but you can rethink the past. You can reinvent yourself and you can change the future. Write down a list of positive things about yourself. Write EVERYTHING that you feel is good about you, your abilities, your skills, your talents. Think of all the times that someone has commented how good you are at something.
Concentrate on your strengths. Give yourself credit for everything positive you have written about yourself. Remember, you are somebody special.
Have a tremendous amount of pride in yourself. Remember, you are number one! Accept yourself and learn to love yourself for whom you are a person. Everyone has his or her own unique qualities and characteristics. We are all born different so don’t compare yourself to others. Confidence comes from within. You need to concentrate on the positive things about yourself and learn how to give and take. Confidence is being able to find a balance between giving help to people and accepting when we need help.
If you think you will fail, you probably will. If you set up this expectancy, you will cognitively respond in ways that make failure more likely. What you think will happen, will happen. If you think you’re a failure, you’ll fail. Confident people think themselves successful and expect success. Think and act AS IF you are confident and you will BE confident.
Act as if you already have the habit/behavior you desire. If you were confident, “How would you be feeling? What would you be doing? How would you be speaking? What would you be thinking? What would you tell yourself-self-talk?” By asking yourself these questions, you compel yourself to answer them by going into a confident state. You will then be acting “As-if” you are confident. As you continue to act As If you will notice you are acting less and less as your behavior becomes a habit. Within a short space of time, you’ll develop it into a natural habit/behavior.
Nervousness, stage-nerves and ‘butterflies’ are physiological mechanisms to prepare us for a challenging task, but they sometimes become so excessive they get in the way and adversely affect our performance. To prepare for tis you need to breathe, relax, stand tall, head high, drop your shoulders and stand evenly balanced. If your mouth is dry, bite your tongue to release saliva. Take a deep breath – and go for it! Use ‘SET’ to appear confident Smile, Eye contact, Touch:
- Smile and you’ll seem relaxed. But don’t grin like an idiot. Be natural.
- Make eye contact and you’ll seem sure of yourself. But don’t stare.
- Touch: A firm handshake or even just a pat on the arm and you will appear to be in control.
We often feel unsure when undertaking something new but this not necessarily negative, it is a positive strategy because false confidence means we are ill-prepared for the challenge. To overcome the uncertainty associated with any new venture – PREPARE WELL IN ADVANCE. Find background information and practice in advance, know your stuff, rehearse, rehearse, rehearse and this will result in less things to worry about so that you will actually be confident.
What is the worst that can happen? Keep things in perspective – this really diminishes fear. We tend to place excess importance on potential problems, Worrying ahead syndrome. We have an infinite amount of energy so let’s apply it to creating extraordinary relationships, advancing our careers and meeting our goals INSTEAD of wasting that energy worrying. Take action on what you have control over and minimize risks for what you don’t. Then invest your energy wisely.
Find someone who is already confident in the area of expertise you need and watch how they do it. Model as many of their behaviors, attitudes, values, and beliefs for the context you want to be confident in. How can you do this? Talk with them if you have access to them. If you don’t have access to them, get as much exposure to them as you can. This could be talking to people who know the person and/or buying their products if they have some.
Remember that you lose out on 100% of the opportunities that you never go for. Nothing ventured-Nothing gained. To get what you want, ask for it. If you consistently ask people for what you want, you will get it. As you think about your goals and what you are striving for, how effective would it be for you to believe that several people out there want to and would be willing to help you if you only ask? People will help because they know they might need help in the future, and you might be a source. Whether that is true or not in the “real world” is irrelevant. The belief is empowering; I invite you to adopt it.