Overcome shyness & nerves: 8 Steps to greater self-confidence in social situations Part 3
Self Confidence in 8 Steps
- Work on your conversational skills: Have something interesting to say … and talk about something you are interested in. Improving your conversational skills can help you feel more comfortable and confident in any social situation which will lead to larger confidence overall. If you practice maintaining eye contact and being a good listener, you will also give off a more confident aura and you can enjoy the benefits of being treated as a confident person.
- Set goals: As with anything you want to achieve, building confidence will be easier if you set specific goals. Whether you want to be confident enough to be president of an organization or simply give a presentation at the next department meeting, you can then create an action plan for achieving this goal.
- Take small steps: Going along with the idea of setting goals, if you’re not feeling confident, you will be much more likely to achieve your desired level of confidence by taking small steps. Tell yourself that you will smile and shake hands with everyone you meet today or promise that you will offer your opinion on an issue at the next board meeting. This is much more likely to lead to success and start you on the path to confidence than jumping straight to a more daunting task like giving the keynote speech at a national conference.
- Use positive imagery and self-talk: The road to self-confidence is primarily a mental exercise. Visualizing yourself as a confident person is one way to create a confident mentality. Positive affirmations are another way of building confidence. Tell yourself that you are a confident person and don’t give negative thoughts room to grow. Cognitive rehearsal … watch a mental movie of yourself. So, before something nerve-wracking, run through a positive internal ‘home movie’ of yourself. If you’re going for a job interview, imagine just how well you’ll do and tell yourself you’re going to succeed. Even if you don’t get the job, you’ll naturally do better than if you had imagined the worst. When doing something for the first time, imagine that you have already done it. Close your eyes, then, vividly imagine you succeeding at what you are planning to do for the first time. The mind does NOT know the difference between something VIVIDLY imagined and something real. Make it vivid by involving all 5 senses.
- Practice a confident attitude and relax: You may have heard this sentiment expressed as, “fake it ’til you make it.” The truth is that you can gain confidence by acting like a confident person. Nobody needs to know that you’re cringing underneath your confident façade. Eventually you’ll no longer need to pretend. The success you experience from acting confident and the confident habits you’ve developed will lead to true confidence. Act As If: Yes you feel nervous but you can PRETEND you are not … this will eventually lead to the reality that you are not at all nervous. Be more tense. Yes, the more tense you can make yourself the more relaxed you will be. Scrunch and relax. Scruch TIGHTLY and LET GO … relax. Breathe. Anxiety and fear results in rapid, shallow breathing which makes you feel nervous. Don’t be controlled by nervousness, take control of your breathing.
- Look for confident role models: Whether you turn to co-workers, friends, family members or celebrities for inspiration, finding confident role models can help you become more confident yourself. It’s best if the person if you have real-life contact with the person you’re looking to emulate, but you can still get an idea of a celebrity’s personality and confidence-building strategies through interviews and books.
- Try new things: New experiences can give you confidence by helping you grow as a person. You don’t have to take up skydiving or anything drastic like that. Starting a new hobby or taking a class is more likely to help you develop lasting skills anyway.
- Be happy with yourself: BELIEVE in yourself – if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. Having an essentially positive attitude toward yourself is key to gaining confidence. You must be happy with the person you are, from your personality to your appearance, before you can truly be confident.