The Steps to True Forgiveness
Forgiving someone who has wounded you is a process that requires understanding and commitment, but how can you let go of all the hurt and finally heal your emotional wounds?
The first step towards true forgiveness is acknowledging your pain. Imagine you’ve just had a big argument with a close friend. You not only feel hurt, you also feel angry and betrayed. You may also feel hate for them right now, and all this emotional pain can feel overwhelming!
You have to recognize these emotions and admit to yourself that yes, you’ve been hurt, and you’re allowed to feel pain.
Think of it like a physical injury. If you cut yourself, you wouldn’t ignore it or pretend it didn’t hurt. You’d attend to it by cleaning it, bandaging it, and letting it heal. Emotional wounds are no different. You need to attend to them and help them heal. So cry if you need to! Do whatever you need to do to help you face your feelings and heal.
Here are other steps you can take to truly forgive:
Make The Decision to Forgive
To forgive you have to make a conscious effort to do so. You might not be ready or willing to forgive just yet, but making the decision to try is an important step.
Imagine you’re carrying a heavy bag filled with rocks. Each rock represents a hurt or negative emotion. Carrying this burden around day in and day out can be tiring! Choosing to forgive is like throwing away the bag. It doesn’t mean you never carried it, it just means you have decided to stop carrying the weight anymore. It’s a commitment to yourself, not to the other person.
Choose Humility Over Pride
Your pride could be getting in your way. Have you ever refused to admit you made a mistake all because you didn’t want to look bad? This is a situation where holding onto your pride can prevent you from letting go of grudges. Forgiveness requires humility. It’s about understanding that forgiving isn’t about winning or losing, it’s about healing yourself.
Imagine a situation where you’re arguing with your partner, and neither of you wants to be the first to apologize. They’re the one that is wrong… right? Both of you are holding onto your pride, which only prolongs the conflict. Be humble and show humility.
Take Responsibility for Your Actions
When someone wrongs you, you might focus solely on your own wounds. To truly forgive, you need to acknowledge your role in the problem. It takes two to tango! However, this doesn’t mean blaming yourself but understanding the whole situation. Maybe you said something that was misinterpreted, or perhaps your actions contributed to the misunderstanding.
For example, if a colleague misunderstood your feedback and took offense, and then hurt you with a backlash of offensive words, it might be helpful to reflect on how your words might have been perceived by them.
Acknowledging your part doesn’t mean you’re at fault, but it helps you see the situation more clearly and helps you show more empathy.
Look At It from Their Side
What happened between you and the person you’re in conflict with might appear different to someone else looking in. To forgive and heal, try to put yourself in their shoes. Why did they act the way they did? Maybe they were acting out of fear or insecurity. Understanding their perspective can help you be more empathetic.
Don’t Expect Anything in Return
When you forgive, remember that you’re doing it for yourself. Don’t expect the other person to apologize or even thank you for forgiving them. When you expect something in return, it can only lead to disappointment. True forgiveness is about releasing yourself from all the hurt.
Think of your forgiveness as giving a gift. When you give a gift, you don’t expect anything in return, or at least you shouldn’t. Forgiving someone is the same. It’s about freeing yourself from your negative emotions, and not about getting anything back, like an apology.
Get Rid of Your Victim Mindset
When you’re hurt, you might start feeling like you’re the victim and begin to fuel your pity party fire. You have to stop and get rid of this mindset. Instead, understand that while you can’t change the past, you have the power to change your reaction to it.
In Summary
True forgiveness is a conscious decision you have to make and when you do, your life will change for the better! Take your time, be kind to yourself, and trust in the healing process.
You will become stronger and feel more empowered than you probably thought possible, especially because the person who has hurt you can’t see you in pain from their actions anymore. If you’re not hurting anymore, who has the power? You do.